Facing My Fear

Today, I was horrified to see that there was a large tree roach in my house. It's not that we don't have these every once in awhile (and it always makes me scream-dead or alive) but I always have my dear husband to pick up the atrocity (one of the perks of being married to me). I even go to the extent of placing an upside down cup atop the monster if Mike isn't at home, so that I won't have to look at or think about picking it up. This is just not something that I can do. The thought of cleaning up any bug (other than an ant) makes my stomach churn...and my only sensory aversion in life (other than the tastes of blue cheese or sweet tea) is the sound of a bug crunching under foot (this is even hard to write)! Add to this the fact that it is the worst creature created by our good God in heaven (the roach) and this fear multiples one hundred fold.

So, I was busy caring for Zoe and picking up a little clutter that inevitably collects in our small living room because someone from my Sunday school is coming by at 10:00am to deliver dinner. Since I like my house to look nice when people come over, even if I do have a new baby, I am cleaning floors and counters, etc when I notice a roach that must have been 20 feet long. Was it in an inconspicuous place where my patented "cup move" could be used? No. It was by the FRONT DOOR! Right in the path of visitors. Great. We have MAYBE one roach a week (we live in an old neighborhood with HUGE trees and we are on pier and beam so I believe this all is a perfect storm. We do have exterminators come out so when we find them they are either dead or mostly dead.

Well. This fellow was approximately 40% dead. How do I know? Because I decide that I have to face my greatest fear (other than drowning) and rid of the roach prior to 10:00 am. I delayed as long as possible, trying to muster the courage but then it was time. First, I looked for roach spray. Nope. Only wasp spray (which sprays 20 feet at a high power - ask Mike why we have this as it is another incredibly funny story). So, I decided on Clorox Bleach spray.

I approached the roach and there was brown goo leaking from its head!!! What is that?!!?! Then I gave him maybe 8-10 good bleachy sprays and watched as he was able to wriggle on his back...he even had the ability to move a few inches which is how I came up with the percentage of aliveness. So, I let that soak in awhile while I put on my makeup and did my hair. Then I came back and gave 8 more squirts (still wriggling). These things are INDESTRUCTABLE!!! I mean, there is harmful bleach cleaner on the soft exposed side of your underbelly! So, since it was clearly not going to die before 10:00, I decided to employ the long handled broom scoot out the front door method. This worked well to move the giant roach (minus his head goo) to the door. But then we hit the door ledge. Do I give up and have to pick him up with gloves armed with half a roll of Viva paper towels? Hell no. I am persistent. And determined. And not a quitter. So as I air conditioned the neighborhood, as my dad would say, I tried and tried again until finally I carefully got his gooless body over the ledge, careful that he did not perform some sort of flip that would bring him closer to me than the broom handle.

He finally fell into a crevice on my front door mat so what do I do? I scoot the entire mat over the edge of the front porch. Done. Except the goo. 8 more sprays (it's like a Clorox pond in here!) and 6 Viva's to clean up the goo and the path toward the door. I did it!!! By the way, Mike, never again. So don't get any ideas.